Day ? <something or other>
Well, hey everyone, I’m back from the Bahamas, or I should say “chilly” Bahamas, and eek! do I have some catching up to do. A quick aside about my trip, however: a cruise, for its money, is the best expense I have–and will ever have–incurred for seven blissful nights of sleep. The gentle to-and-fro of the ocean as you lie recumbent on the bed is like being rocked into a coma by Poseidon himself. You are so full and fat on the delicious food–beef bourguignon, stuffed lobster tail, prime rib, escargot–that the extra energy used for carrying around all those new pounds throughout the day has you exhausted by the time you lay your head against the pillow anyway. The sheets, so soft and warm, and smoothly pressed, make going to sleep the best part of your day. And everything is so relaxing. Just so long as you don’t take part in any of the cruise ship’s overpriced excursions, say taking a rickety bus to the seedy side of an island to a little-known resort that was recently ravaged by a hurricane ($89.99), or taking a ferry to a waterpark with only three slides, one of which thrusts you through an open shark tank ($149.99), or–my favorite–observing the dolphins from an unsocial distance of 150 yards ($199.99), or taking a glass-bottom boat through murky water ($39.99), and during all of which the daunting reminder that if you are not back to the boat by dinner time you will likely remain in that port for the rest of eternity is a nagging encumbrance like being on a leash, tethered to the ship. Bottom line: as long as you stay on the ship, eat the food, smile a lot at the waiters, and go to the shows, a cruise is a relaxing, wonderful experience.
Now, for my latest Indicator of Extreme Laziness: every cruise ship is equipped with so many conveniences. For example, stairs that go to all the floors. Imagine that! you could get from the lido deck (deck 9) to the pool (deck 8) to your room (deck 7) simply by walking a few flights of ordinary stairs. In the reverse, you could go from steerage, say (deck 1, also called the Riviera Deck) to the Dining Hall (deck 10) via the convenience of a glass elevator. But you might not get there for a long, long time using the latter, because the elevator is generally too busy bouncing around between the lido deck and the pool and the seventh floor. No one is walking the stairs!
Indicator of Extreme Laziness #26 – taking an elevator up three floors or less
more tomorrow…eh, maybe
